A personal insanity

With each passing day i see more and more reason why we will all are slowly going insane. The world is change, fast, and it will never be the same. I remember when i was a mear child in a full snowsuit trudging though the January snows in boots too big for me. I remember summers when the heat seemed like to much for a human to bare. But it's all changing now, and with it i'm changing. And i wonder if i am just slowly loosing "it", what ever "it" may be. It's nearing the end of January and it's plus five or seven, but you get the point. It hasn't been minus forty all winter long, and this is the most snow i have seen in years. Am i complaining? Maybe i am, or maybe i'm just opening my eyes. But the wider i open them the more i start to think, maybe... just maybe a personal insanity is the way to cure it all. Cure the dull, the drag, the anger, the tears. Maybe if i let myself loose "it" then it won't be as terrable as it sometimes seems.

Maybe I am just bored of the life i lead, maybe it's not what i ever wanted... But thats hard to say when i don't know what i wanted in the first place. A drink to start the thoughts, a drag to cure the pain, and slowley we all go insane. How bad could it be really? If we're all insane then it can be wrong, and then insane will be the new sane like pink is the new black.

Slipping, it's like a slide you can't go wrong.

I really don't know what i'm getting at here, I have no clue at all. You can shoot me if you want. I really don't care. My thoughts are getting the best of me, as the usualy do. When pictures rip at the stitches holding my heart in place, when all i want is everything i can't have insanity seems like a fine alternative. When all you feel is helplessness, when you try so hard to help them all, and you know you can't. When you fight so hard for somthing that is always out of reach it starts to get at you, as much as you don't want it to. What are you fighting for? and when do you know when to surrender?

Surrendering something i have never been able to do. I think i'm to strong to give it all up. I like to think i'm a fighter, and i put up a good one, for the most part at least. But when does it come time to forfit the race, say that you honestly can't win? and how can i simply settle for that, to know i gave up? It's hard, and i think i need to learn. There is no sense fighting forever, and thats what i would be doing if i don't learn to forfit.

As i said maybe a personal insanity isthe best way out. Maybe it's not, but how do you know untill you try. So heres to trying, heres to the fighting. Here's to my personal insanity.